I sometimes feel plagued by my personality. Not in a feel sorry for myself kind of way but in a way that makes me want to lock myself away until I can straighten up a bit. I have this introversion about myself. I think too much. When my thoughts don't really fit into the conversation, I find myself rescinding into the recesses of my own mind.
Last night was one such incidence. We went to bible study and I was jazzed up to talk about the chapters but as it has happened more than not, when the discussion opened, it took a turn that I was confused about. Where are they going with this? I wonder to myself. How did they get that out of this reading? I keep thinking. Don't get me wrong, I am not afraid to interject, I just can't wipe the scowl- slash- look of confusion off my face or find a place to put my voice in this conversation. I end up feeling like somehow I have become a liberal thinker...something I have never really been acused of being. Since when have I been the feminist?
Today I find myself still needing to discuss this book that was just like resounding music in my soul. But I can't. I can't even describe what is going on in my mind. Instead, I find something more like clanging symbols in my heart. I couldn't even figure out how to pray this morning because of this inner frustration that I thought I could sleep off. I find myself withdrawing from this community that is making me uncomfortable. Oh introversion, don't plague me now. Be strong frail heart, be open small mind.
Call me! We can chat about it.
ReplyDeleteFunny isn't it. Except, of course, I have been accused of being both a liberal thinker and a feminist. But, I've always been accused of the opposite two. People just throw those words around.
ReplyDeleteThis is challenging in a whole new way, right? And when you've sorted out what you need to in your little introverted box, we'll talk about it. Besides, I'm reading another book about Ruth, so I'm sure we'll have plenty to say.
I love you. And, I just like who you are.