Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Still Sleeping

This post is an actual question. I am not looking for someone to give me scriptural proof texting to back up what I rebelliously want to do instead of God's best. What do you think about getting up early. Honestly, when I do get up early, I love it. However, I am having a love affair with my pillow that has been on-going and idolatrous for years. I need sleep, seriously. But, I also love sleep. It is like a hobby, a friend. I sleep when I am tired physically, emotionally, spiritually. I love sleeping.

Lately though, I have been learning about prayer and being devoted to prayer because I genuinely want to grow closer to the Lord and see his Spirit empower my work and life... And move more fluidly to his guiding voice on a daily basis. So I am praying and I am reading and thinking and we don't have cable so that we will spend less time idly. However, I find that getting up early is a stumbling block for me. It is hard to get up early and even harder to let the first thing that I do be prayer. I have prayed that my body would want less sleep to try to help this out. i think I would have to go to bed at 8:30pm in order to get up early enough to do what I would like in the morning.

All of that to say, Here is my question. What do you think about morning times? How do you get up early and make it through the day? Is it better to get up with the Lord rather than go to bed with Him? What are your thoughts? Rebuke me, teach me, fill me in, I am open.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Talk is Cheap

The Lord has been pressing into my mind the need for me to eliminate empty words from my life. More specifically gossip. Now I have always treasured words and their power to encourage a heart or enrapture a mind. But they have a dark side. A powerful dark side. Everyone has experienced the slow death to part of themselves because someone has poisoned their mind and heart with an unkind, godless, empty word.

I have been reading 2 Timothy for some time, for reasons unknown to me...just reading. This morning, this is what I read: "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a workman who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth. Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly." 2 Tim. 2:15-16

It seems that my ability to acurately handle the word of truth may be directly tied to my abililty to acurately handle my vocabulary. How many times do I idly talk about someone or something in a less than honorable way? How often do I indulge in juicy gossip or even in empty conversation that isn't necessary? It is really the godlessness of our words that I think endanger us. It is the conversations that contain an air of nothingness. No life...not really death...just emptiness. We have been given such a power to speak power and life into others. Perhaps the emptiness just takes away from that power. Please God show me what this means for my mouth.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009


I sometimes feel plagued by my personality. Not in a feel sorry for myself kind of way but in a way that makes me want to lock myself away until I can straighten up a bit. I have this introversion about myself. I think too much. When my thoughts don't really fit into the conversation, I find myself rescinding into the recesses of my own mind.

Last night was one such incidence. We went to bible study and I was jazzed up to talk about the chapters but as it has happened more than not, when the discussion opened, it took a turn that I was confused about. Where are they going with this? I wonder to myself. How did they get that out of this reading? I keep thinking. Don't get me wrong, I am not afraid to interject, I just can't wipe the scowl- slash- look of confusion off my face or find a place to put my voice in this conversation. I end up feeling like somehow I have become a liberal thinker...something I have never really been acused of being. Since when have I been the feminist?

Today I find myself still needing to discuss this book that was just like resounding music in my soul. But I can't. I can't even describe what is going on in my mind. Instead, I find something more like clanging symbols in my heart. I couldn't even figure out how to pray this morning because of this inner frustration that I thought I could sleep off. I find myself withdrawing from this community that is making me uncomfortable. Oh introversion, don't plague me now. Be strong frail heart, be open small mind.