Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Mothering in love not bitterness

Can I be honest? (Those that know me well understand how rhetorical that question is) I don't always love mothering. I have one of those kids who is just beautiful looking. My entire instagram is dedicated to this boy and his cute faces.
(Was I right? or what?) I have a beautiful boy with gorgeous brown eyes. I have a wonderful family and so many wonderful things to be thankful for. And if I could let you in my head, you would not always find wonderful thoughts. I understand those moms who just walk away. I called my mom crying just a few weeks ago wishing that I could give back my title and responsibility. Here is what you need to know, this boy is precious. He is funny and smart and loves to dance. I am just sure that he is not more difficult than other kids. He loves books and his mommy. He wants me around all of the time. And truthfully? I am glad to drop his sweet self off with Miss Tina, everyday. 

But I noticed something about myself lately. My feelings toward motherhood were not waxing and waning with normal toddler incidents. Oh sure, my heart would melt with every use of mommy but positive sentiments were largely being replaced with little seeds of bitterness. Why am I so tired all the time? Why am I so impatient? Why don't I feel as gooey and melty as all the other moms seem on Facebook and Instagram? 

Seeds of bitterness give birth to roots. The roots on any plant system feed the entire system. When we allow bitterness to go unchecked, it can lead to a heart that is hardened toward the good things and cynical toward thankfulness. I saw my bitter root growing anytime people would ask the inevitable nice person question, "How's Myles?" It is a friendly question and people want to hear you say positive things, but I didn't have a positive lens. 

God began to work on my heart toward my sweet boy. Not just because of my image of the kind of mother I want to be but also because of the type of Christian I want to be. He began to prod my conscience about parenting but more importantly about loving my son with the kind of Christ-Love that he has given me. I need to resist the urge to allow difficulties in my parenting to turn to cynicism that drops seeds of bitterness in my heart. Not just because I have a beautiful son but because I have a beautiful Savior. 

Ephesians 4:31-32 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another,forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

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